Single

Real Talk: How I Really Feel About Being Single

February 14, 2018

Valentine's Day Inspo

Dress: REVOLVE | Clutch: REVOLVE | Shoes: Similar

If you are riding the single train this Valentine’s Day and I was the betting type, I’d bet that you are on one end of the spectrum or the other. You either hate today or could absolutely care less. I’ll cut to the chase and let you in on a secret, I could honestly care less. In fact, I had forgotten about the holiday and celebrating it with a significant other until social media shoved the notion down my throat a few days ago. Now if you asked me a year ago how I felt about being single on Valentine’s Day my answer would be completely different than it is today. In fact, I wrote an entire blog post on the how much I hated the holiday here. And while I still really love that post, my feelings towards today and my season of singleness have changed entirely.

Today marks exactly one year since my last first date. One year since my first heart break. And one year that I’ve truly been single. Would you believe me if I told you that is by far the longest that I’ve been single? Up until last year, I had never been without a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Well not since high school at least. I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend for 8 years straight without ever truly being single for long.

And after being single for 365 days I can tell you this. I am thankful for my season of singleness and what it has taught me about myself. How much it has grown me as a young lady and made me figure out how to love myself. I am thankful that through the hurt it brought some of the best days of my life. For without the heartbreak and the soul searching I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have quit my job, I wouldn’t have traveled the world, and I wouldn’t have found such contentment and confidence in the life I have created.

More than being thankful for my season of singleness, I am proud. And while it would be nice to have someone to text throughout the day, share a pizza with, fix my car, see a movie with, snuggle with, laugh with, do absolutely nothing with, blah blah blah, the act of having to do these things alone has given me such a since of empowerment, confidence and appreciation. And through the soul searching and new found love for myself I can confidently say that being single is exactly where I need to be.

If you are alone this Valentine’s Day, recently single, or maybe you’ve been in this season for longer than you are wanting to be- here are some things to remember and celebrate that all of you helped played a hand in reminding me this week.

NOW IS THE TIME TO BE SELFISH

You have your entire life to be with somebody else. While there are so many wonderful and special things about being in a relationship, it also comes with certain burdens. You will have someone else to answer to, check in with, plan around, share costs with, and split your time with. Now is the time to spend too much money, go on that trip because you can, move to a new city, quit your job, start a new job, find a new hobby, and honestly do anything you want. There is not a reason in the world that you cannot do whatever it is your heart desires.

IT’S OK TO BE PICKY

Date if you want to date. Or don’t. It is your choice and your choice alone. The older you get, the more against the norm it is to be single but what my season of singleness (and probably age) has taught me is that we are the lucky ones. We are the ones that have experienced more life. More grief. More soul searching. More happiness. More understanding. We know what we like and don’t like. We know what we deserve and what we aren’t willing to settle for. The longer we are single, the more we realize how much we have to give up to be in a relationship and if it’s anything short of a fairytale, well then it’s just not worth it.

FIND YOURSELF BEFORE YOU FIND THE ONE

If I had to pick one reason why all of my relationships didn’t last, it was most certainly (as cliche as it sounds) because I needed to find myself and I couldn’t do that while I was with someone. I needed time, space and a lot of soul searching. And with each new boyfriend I thought that maybe they could help me figure out what I was supposed to be doing with my life or how to fully achieve contentment. But this is not anyone else’s job but our own to feel content and secure in who we are. I have grown more, seen more, discovered more in the past year than I have my entire life. Our season of singleness allows us to figure out what drives us, motivates us, what makes us feel alive and happy. And when the right person does come along, they will appreciate how well you know yourself and feel secure in who you are.

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Life, Outfits

Dear Bumble Boi

April 26, 2017

Dear Bumble Boi,

You know who you are and if you are reading this my hope isn’t to inflate your already inflated ego and it’s most certainly not because you deserve the time of day. It is because while I may never hear from you again, I in fact have something to say.

I’ve been perfectly fine by myself for some time now. I seemed to finally have life dialed in: my career, family, friends, the blog, a social life and I was happy and thriving all by myself! The only thing that seemed to be missing from my life was love and I had gone so long without someone filling that void, that it just seemed normal. Natural even. Until you came along and ruined it all.

The first night that I met you, 4 hours flew by like they were minutes. I don’t think I’ve laughed like that in ages and it felt good. Too good. I should have gone out with the girls that night after our date but this would be the first trap of yours that I fell into. I told myself to be guarded and I think I put up a good front. See you are a salesman and therefore a charmer so I know your type, but somehow I was outwitted from the start.

After that date you put effort in and I do have to give you that, but you and I both know why that is and it’s not because you were after my heart. Each time we hung out, the conversations that we had felt like we had known each other for years and while that seemed like a good thing at the time, maybe that was our problem all along. Maybe we skipped directly to the relationship stage without ever having dated at all.

See I know what we had was short lived but I’d be lying if I said that’s what made it all the more exhilarating and intense. I certainly questioned the sincerity behind each compliment and if our seemingly easy, deep conversations were too good to be true. I’d never had a guy communicate quite the way that you could and this intrigued me. I even joked that I had never met a guy that talked more than I did (and that is still true), but the way you analyzed me and each situation is what made me fall for you. While you might not have been great at a lot of things (like cooking a steak or being on time), you had a way of knowing exactly what I was thinking and what I wanted to say even before I did. If that’s not a super power in itself, I’m not sure what is. That and boy did you know how to make me laugh. Those 2 things are what unknowingly sealed the deal.

We went through some hard things that I could say played a factor in our demise but that would be a lie because it started long before that and we both know why. You see, I’m not sure what your intentions were at the beginning, but I now know that they weren’t pure. The flattery and talks about the future were just words to you with apparently no meaning behind them at all. I didn’t put too much thought into what you were saying at the time because I didn’t plan on falling for the charmer that I figured had charmed a million other girls.

You said that I was different and we had several inside jokes that made me believe this might be true. We would stay up late talking about anything and everything as if when we were together there was never enough time. We talked about meeting each other’s parents and what we wanted out of a relationship. You talked about the future as if I was a part of it. I like to think that I easily kept up my guard until that day that you were telling me about your family and sang me your grandpa’s favorite song. I looked at you and thought “this boy doesn’t lack confidence and that is for sure”. But it was more than that, it was the first time you let your guard down around me and somehow you instantly dropped mine too.

But like I said, I know your type and there is only one person that is ever going to satisfy you the most, and that’s you. So while you made it seem like I wasn’t just another girl, I was never going to be good enough for you because right now you only live to serve one person and that person is not a girl. I never stood a chance. So why did you do it? Why did you say the things you said to me if you didn’t plan to follow through? Why when things started to get tough did you immediately run away? See I knew you would hurt me from the beginning but I never expected it to be this way. I didn’t expect you to awaken feelings and then completely shut them out. I didn’t expect a coward that treats women like they are disposable. And I most certainly didn’t think that one day I would wake up to never hear from you ever again. No goodbye, no call, not even a text. So yea, I didn’t expect to regret having ever met you at all.

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Holidays, Outfits

Be Your Own Damn Valentine

February 13, 2017

Red Valentine's Day Dress, Fun and flirty Valentine's Day date night dress

Dress: Show My Your Mumu | Shoes: Nordstrom | Earrings: Similar | Lipstick: MAC “Diva”

Photography by: Banavenue

For those of us riding the single train this Valentine’s Day, I think I speak for all of us when I say that it’s not a holiday we care to give too much recognition to. Being single on the day of love is like a huge freaking reminder that everyone else (or so it seems) is happily in a relationship, engaged, or married. As if your grandmother dropping not so subtle hints about your relationship status wasn’t enough, stomaching all of the mushy-gushy romance on this day can be rough to say the least.

This will be my first Valentine’s Day alone in close to 8 years and I’m not sure how I feel about it. On one hand I am pretty excited that I am not having to buy a Valentine’s Day gift for anyone besides myself. And you can bet that I WILL be buying myself something because I have somehow convinced myself that that is how the world should work. My logic goes a little something like this: if I were in a relationship, I would be spending a hefty amount of mula on the one I love. Since I would have spent the money anyway, I might as well spend it on someone that I love just as much… MUAH! So thank you nonexistent boyfriend for that!

So to all of my single ladies out there, instead of spending February 14th feeling sorry for ourselves and our lack of romance, I say we celebrate this special time in our lives! On a day that makes us question “Why am I still single?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Will I die alone?”, I’m here to tell you that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and you should celebrate the fact that some day you will look back on this time alone and wish you would have lived it up a little more. So here are a few ways stay happy this love day and to be your own damn Valentine.

Stay off of social media– As if most days besides Valentine’s Day weren’t big enough reminders of just how single you are, social media will surely do the trick. You already know that everyone and their mother will be showing off on social media of just how great their significant other is. Do yourself a huge favor and just stay off of your phone for the day. Nobody wants to see the thousands of Instagrams showing off expensive gifts, romantic gestures, and cliche acts of love (as cute as they might be).
Don’t “play hermit”– It might be easy to burry yourself into a hole of self pity complete with Netflix while you drown your tears into a tub of ice cream but don’t succumb to this ladies! The world is not completely out to get you on this day so embrace being single and know you are not alone!
Splurge on something for yourself– Take the money you would have spent on a Valentine”s Day present for your ex and buy yourself something really nice. Maybe it’s a couple boxes of chocolate (you do you girl) or maybe it’s a new bag. Just do it!
Buy yourself flowers– I’m a big proponent that you should always buy yourself flowers. They don’t have to be a romantic gesture from a guy. For something that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg but brings instant happiness, seems like a no brainer to buy them for yourself!
Pamper yourself– Ain’t nobody going to love you better than you can love yourself! Just like you would have spoiled that special Valentine, you deserve a little loving too! My personal favorite pampering sesh goes a little something like this: a bubble bath, face mask, candles and BIG glass of wine. Don’t mind if I do!

Cheers to all of the single ladies out there this Valentine’s Day and may you be your own best damn Valentine out there.

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Life, Outfits

Take A Hint

November 14, 2016

Fall mini dress with ruffle sleeve detailing + grey booties

Tribal tassel earrings

Grey Booties that are perfect for Fall

Happy Monday friends! Today I wanted to share a funny story with you that should surely make you chuckle. And let’s be honest, I think we could all use a little laugh to start off our Monday morning.

It all started when I went to my grandparents house last weekend. I think every single girl, especially those in their mid 20s, can attest to being hackled by their grandparents on the men in their life. Yes, plural. As if there was even just one!! Without fail, some of the first words out of my Poppi’s mouth are, “You got you a boyfriend?”. To which I always reply, “No Poppi.” And then the words I have heard a million times over… “You don’t?! When I was your age I had me 2 or 3 girlfriends”.

Then come Monday morning I received an email for a collaboration for “the special man in my life” and I. Spoiler alert: there is no special man! I was tempted to immediately respond with some pointed words about how insensitive they were. I shared the email with my coworker, whose response was “You can take me!”. My coworker is a girl. We then started coming up with all of the funny responses that would in turn make this person feel quite uncomfortable. What if I told them I wanted to bring my girlfriend? What if I accused them of harassment? Obviously I am kidding but the more I thought about it the more insensitive I realized that email was because what if something had happened to someone’s “special man in their life”? Why were they assuming that I had a man in my life in the first place? What if it was a woman instead!

To polish off the week I received yet another email collaboration for a guy in my life and myself. 2 in one week guys! I looked up at God and said “Very funny, that was a good one, God”. I’ve been so incredibly busy lately that I have completely brushed off men. I keep telling myself that if it is meant to be, then it will happen. This is something I firmly believe. But at the same time, I know that I need to be more open to meeting someone. I’ve got so set in my daily routine that I haven’t allowed for situations to arise where I would actually meet someone. I go to work every day and then come home and blog. There is the occasional blog event or dinner with a friend, but that is always all girls!

So all of this is to say, I think God was saying “Shelbi, take a hint!”. I know I don’t NEED a man in my life, but I also think that working 24/7 and not allowing for something or someone else to enter into my life is not the answer either. I know that I can do it all on my own, but at the end of the day I do want someone to share it all with. So God, thanks for the reminder 🙂

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